Dear President Obama,
A month ago an oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico blew up and sank, killing eleven American workers. The rig was being used by British Petroleum. You may remember them, they gave you about $80,000.00 for your “Hopey – Changey” election campaign. Funny thing you taking money from the oil industry. After all this crazy talk about “Green jobs” this and “Environmentally friendly” that, and all these catch phrases like “Sustainable” and “Renewable” I keep hearing in the media, I am pleasantly surprised to find out that was all just talk on your part. Good one, buddy. Faking out the environmentalist wackos in your party while all along, deep down inside, you really are an oil guy! Brilliant.
Anyway back to this oil rig thing. You see there is a bit of a problem. It’s leaking. A lot. Lots and lots of oil is washing up all over the beaches and killing fish and all kinds of wildlife. Now I know you’re a big government guy and all that. In fact, federal inspectors were on this rig just a few days before the catastrophe but apparently didn’t do a good enough job. You may want to look into that. In any event you really need to DO SOMETHING about this. Even James Carville is upset with you.
I know this doesn’t affect poverty-stricken black people like Katrina did. I know that mostly white fishermen will be put out of work because of this, and rich white college kids won’t have a place to party on Spring Break, but SOME of them are bound to be Democrats (at least they were). It just doesn’t look good. You should be there.
I also understand all those years of community organizing hasn’t really prepared you for the real world or big-boy problems that the rest of us grown-ups have to face. Perfectly understandable. So I have a suggestion for you. Call former President Bush. He’s been down this road. Remember? 911 was barely an hour old when Peter Jennings claimed he was an incompetent and hiding out. (Tell that to the Secret Service).
Hurricane Katrina was being bungled at the local AND state level long before President Bush had an opportunity to do anything about it. He can surely give you some pointers on how to deal with a real world crisis like this one, not a manufactured one. Plus he’s an oil guy, too. At the very least he’ll tell how you can APPEAR Presidential in a moment of crisis since you have no emergency management experience, either.
It’s been thirty days now and sooner or later SOMEONE in the press will get wind of just how badly your administration has booted this catastrophe. After all, the federal government (that’s you) HAS JURISDICTION over the oil industry. So I’m pretty sure that the $80,000.00 you got from BP makes you our point guy on oil and all things oil related. So pretty please… do something. The fish need you.
Sincerely, Captain America.