Say kids it looks like it’s gonna be another Walmart Christmas again this year! Daaaaady, why?
Yeah dad whats going on? Did you lose your job again? No pumpkin, daddy’s job in the coal mine is secure as long as Al Gore doesn’t become President and the Arabs keep the price of gas high. (Sounds of laughter from the back room) Then whats up dad? Why Walmart? You know that Walmart is evil don’t you? Yeah daddy. Evil. Does this mean no hand crafted gifts from the local thrift store? Or no home made hemp clothes from the local collective down the road? I’m telling. MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!!! See what you’ve started dad! Now yer gonna bring mom down on all of us. What’s gotten into you? Well pal I was trying to make ends meet, you know make our dollar go a little further. I figured I could pick up some great gifts while I was food shopping. FOOD SHOPPING! AT WALMART???!!! Daddy! Everything they sell has TRANS FATS! How could you??? What about the organic farm on the other side of town? Nice going dad.
I think she’s catatonic. (If I only knew thats all it would take…) Dad if we don’t support the small business in our community then what will happen to them? Yeah dad where are we going to get our HEMP? Listen kids. Dad doesn’t give a shit about collective farms or hemp clothes, or handmade horshsehit from hippy assed faggots who smell like cat piss. Dad cares about getting cheap shit cheap. Period. Preferably cheap shit made by Chinese slaves. You see kids the Chinese make all the shit Americans want cheap. Problem is we can’t find Americans who want to do that kind of work so we farm it out to the Mexicans… (You mean the Chinese) Whatever. Look I ain’t trying to take all this with me. I don’t need crap that will last a hundred years. If I get ten years outta half the bullshit I bring home that will be doing something. Now who wants a Boombox? BOOMBOX?
Merry Walmart Christmas!

2 Responses to I LOVE WALMART!

  1. Anonymous says:

    Too funny!

    Just watch out for the employees! I hear they like to rob “the hand that feeds them.”

  2. Captain Den says:

    I was really waiting for someone to touch this one.

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