Dear Congressman Blowhard: I know your busy during this election season but allow me to have a minute of your precious time if you will. I’m a taxpayer, one of your constituents. It’s about the border, again. We have been having tremendous problems along our southern border over the last 20 or so years and nobody seems to know just how to get a handle on it. In fact my guy up here in Philly Raj took an elephant ride across the border just last week and our Government didn’t look to…well…um…competent. See I’m not sure if you are aware of it or not, but lots and lots of MEXICANS are just walking, sometimes trotting, but mostly walking into our country and nobody seems to know what to do about it. Just so you understand, that’s ILLEGAL. Really. In fact some people call these Mexicans-ILLEGAL ALIENS. Now Mexicans are nice enough people, but so are Americans. The problem with Mexicans is that there are too many of them coming at once and no one is keeping tabs on them, and that’s against our laws. And while I understand Mexicans have rights…so do Americans. As Americans we have the right to have our immigration laws enforced and our borders secured so some nut-bag doesn’t smuggle in an atomic bomb and screw up our day. We don’t have to BAN the Mexicans, just regulate how many come here LEGALLY and keep track of them like house guests.
So I have been thinking about this for a couple of minutes and I think I have a solution to the problem. BUILD A GODDAMNED WALL! It’s so simple it’s genius. In case your not sure what I mean by a wall, I’ve attached a picture. I want a wall. A big, concrete wall with guard towers and lights, topped off with barbed wire. I don’t want some chain link fence with sensors and sh*t that won’t ever work. (Although I’m open for an electric fence as long as it’s powered by windmills and solar energy). Other than that I want a mine field and a frigging moat with alligators, sharks, piranas and sting-rays! You see walls have a long history of keeping people who can’t get along apart so they can live peacefully. Walls make good neighbors. So I want you to talk to your politician buddies and get right on this. Hell this is one of those projects you guys in Washington should be able to sink your teeth into. I promise I don’t care about the cost on this one. You can sub-contract the sh*t out of it. Just think sub-contractors in all fifty states. Imagine the cost overruns alone! This will keep your union crony buddies fat and happy for years. Just pretend it’s another Big Dig like Boston! If you have any questions you can fly in some Chinese consultants, some Germans and I hear even the Israelis are doing great things with concrete these days. Hell the Germans may even have some of their OLD WALL still laying around. You could probably get that stuff cut-rate and pocket the difference. It’ll be like old times. I know you can’t possibly pass up this one it’s too good to be true. Maybe that’s why I’m not holding my breath. See you on Tuesday. Captainden
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