This is what our grandparents did to save the world. All we have to do is vote.
Savvy Internet surfers know that when a good chuckle is needed to brighten a ho-hum day, one reliable source is “Chuck Norris Facts.” As Wikipedia puts it, in an understatement, the site documents “fictional, often absurdly heroic feats and characteristics” about the martial arts master who parlayed that skill into starring parts in movies and on television.*
The political world now has learned an actual Chuck Norris fact: His favorite in the fight for the Republican presidential nomination is Mike Huckabee, the one-time longshot who seems to be gaining momentum with each passing week. (The latest boost to Huckabee’s candidacy came this weekend at the Values Voter Summit.)
Okay, folks, that’s it. Game over. Chuck Norris has spoken and his pick for President is Mike Huckabee. It’s pretty clear at this point that no other candidate has a chance at all. The campaign is over.
No candidate from either party can be reached for comment, they’re all too scared. Hilliary Clinton is reportedly in hiding, fearful that a roundhouse kick is headed her way. Even Fred Thompson (another actor) has been quoted as saying “If that’s what Chuck wants, I’m outta here.” Ralph Nader as usual won’t leave well enough alone. He has ignored Norris and has threatened a third party run. He is currently missing.
And, finally, both parties have announced that donations to all other candidates have all but dried up. I can tell you right now, from this point forward, Huckabee is my guy! Hear that, Mr. Norris?
After all this country has been through lately, I thought that I should get a line off to the President. I understand that it’s often lonely at the top and sometimes we all need a word of encouragement and a little constructive criticism. Here goes:
Dear Mr. President, I hope this letter finds you in good spirits and great health. Your looking well on T.V. Hows Tony Snow? Tell him we’re praying for him to continue in his recovery.
It’s been some six years huh? Wow! I mean I can only imagine how it’s been for you. Losing Congress must have sucked. I have to tell you it’s been no picnic for us either. Having to listen to these nut-job Democrats over and over is really grinding me down. Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Chuck Schumer and the rest of the Wack Pack…UGH! Your going to have to stay strong. Remember they are inherently weak people. They can’t sustain anything for long. The name of the game is to smack them down and drive on. They’ll cut and run as faster than a squad of Iraqi police in a firefight.
Take the war for example. Most of us actually want a win here. We get it and we know it should be a done deal. Let me explain: The terrorists have AK-47′s, car bombs & RPG’s and their secret weapon the U.S. Congress.
We have: Tanks, planes, GPS, ships, artillery, lots of machine guns, bombs, armored cars, stingers, attack helicopters, high tech computer networks, sophisticated electronics, satellites, body armor, night vision, and every high and low tech gizmo the American Taxpayer dollar can buy. Plus endless supplies of food and water and all the ammo we can shoot. Plus we have the American Serviceman. This should be no contest.
Now they have Osama Bin-Laden. There in lies the difference. In WWII we had Roosevelt & the Germans had Hitler. The German soldier was good. Real good. And so was the American GI. But leadership made the difference. If there was free agency in warfare, I’d trade the next three election picks for Bin Laden today. I’d lock him into a ten year deal so good, that Posh Spice would drop David Beckham like a corner kick.
I mean when the terrorists get a mission, even a suicide mission, they have no worries about their leadership giving up and abandoning the mission on him. Unfortunately the American GI has no such illusions on the battlefield of Iraq. When our soldiers roll out on a mission, they must wonder if todays mission will mean anything tomorrow when our Congress sells them and the Iraqi people out.
Thats where you come in. You must remain resolute. You must continue to explain to the American people the consequences of failure for our future. You need to do this often like a father reassures a child in moments of uncertainty. We voted for you because we believe in the mission. You must tell our Generals to be vicious in the prosecution of battle like our Grandfathers were on Iwo Jima, Okinawa, Omaha Beach and Bastogne. This is a savage enemy who needs to be eliminated. Get to it.
We also voted for you and not John McCain because we don’t believe what John is trying to sell us. We don’t like his liberal positions on the issues. Can it be any more clear after this immigration fiasco? I hope we won’t have a repeat of that nonsense. If you want immigration reform here’s how you get it:
1) Build the wall. Period. Get it done. Secure the southern border.
2) Go after employers who hire illegals.
3) Then and only then do you establish a rigid guest worker program. Seasonal visas for migrants who are here to WORK, pay taxes then go home. Controlled legal immigration is fine, but this out of control invasion is a non-starter. Thats not why we elected YOU. We trust you to protect, and defend the US and it’s laws. Don’t forget who you work for. We took a lot of heat when we voted for and defended you. A little loyalty is in order. We do not want the demographics of our cities and towns changed into perpetual democrat bastions of illegal aliens who don’t speak English, or subscribe to our values. These people are draining the public coffers, demanding special treatment and generally making life more and more like a third world toilet.
Lastly, we aren’t asking you to work with Democrats unless they are coming over to our side on an issue. Every time you pose for pictures with Ted Kennedy, talk nice about Hillary or Bill Clinton your start giving us the dry heaves. So quit it. If Hillary gets elected we’re all in grave danger. Start acting like it.
Mr. President, you have taken a savage beating during your Presidency. You have been sold out, back stabbed and poorly served on more than one occasion. Throughout it all you have remained calm, steadfast and resolute. But thats not enough. I urge you to spend the last year and a half of your Presidency on the offensive. Communicate with the people who elected you. Let them know that the Democrats want to surrender to terrorists and sell out our friends. Let the people know how liberals want to change our society for the worse. Your legacy will be built on principle and not fluff. Take care and God bless America.